We all get to a time in our lives where we might feel ‘stuck’ – it might be that we are stuck in the same old life patterns, or we might be noticing stuck emotions. Are there times you feel a constant heaviness or weight on your shoulders? A lack of ‘zest for life’ perhaps? Maybe you feel there is just no good in life, everything and everyone around you irritates you, annoys you or is working against you.
Have you considered that just maybe the root of all this is within you. That you are contributing to this ‘stuckness’ and negativity in the world around you?
The truth is: We all need love. More importantly, we all need self-love. In order to make room for more love within us, we need to let go of the emotional and mental ‘gunk’ that is clogging us up. One of the prime causes of this gunk are the grudges and judgements we hold against others. Our entire society really needs a good lesson on Forgiveness.
Louise L. Hay author of ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ says this about forgiveness:
So how do you move forward you may ask? You must give yourself permission to do so. You must choose to do so. It starts here, it starts now.
Louise says, “The incident is over. Perhaps long over. Let it go. Allow your self to be free. Come out of prison and step into the sunshine of life. If the incident is still going on, then ask yourself why you think so little of yourself that you still put up with it. Why do you stay in such a situation? Don’t waste time trying to ‘get even’. It doesn’t work. What we give out always comes back to us. So let’s drop the past and work on loving yourselves in the now. Then we will have a wonderful future.
That person who is the hardest to forgive is the one who can teach you the greatest lessons. When you love yourself enough to rise above the old situation, then understanding and forgiveness will be easy.
An interesting phenomenon is that when we do our own forgiveness work, other people often respond to it. It’s not necessary to go to the persons involved and tell them that you forgive them. Sometimes you’ll want to to do this, but you don’t have to. The person you need to forgive may even be dead. The major work in forgiveness is done in your own heart. Forgiveness is seldom for ‘them’. It is for us.”
The following ‘How To’ exercise can make a dramatic difference in your life, if you commit to do doing it. Take chance and go for it. Sometimes we read through these suggestions and think to ourselves “yea… that would be good, I can see how this would work.” or we very quickly do the exercise in our minds as we read. This is not committing to letting go. Create the space in your life to do this. Affirm that you will set aside time, maybe in the next 30 seconds when you’re done reading or maybe next week before you take the dog out for his daily walk, but affirm you will actually do it.
Forgiveness Exercise:
- Sit in front of your mirror.
- Close your eyes, and breathe deeply several times.
- Think of the many people who have hurt you in your life. Let them pass through your mind.
- Now open your eyes and begin talking to one of them saying something like:
“You’ve hurt me deeply. However, I won’t stay stuck in the past any longer. I am willing to forgive you.” - Take a breath and say:
“I forgive you, and I set you free.”
Take another breath and say again “I forgive you, and I set you free.” - Notice how you feel. You may feel resistance or you may feel clear. If you feel resistance, just breathe and say:
“I am wiling to release all resistance. I am wiling to no longer carry this experience with me. I choose to let go.”
You may feel inclined to forgive many people in one day, or only one person. No matter how you are doing this exercise, it’s perfect for you. Forgiveness can be like peeling away the layers of an onion. IF there are too many layers, put the onion away for a day. You can always come back to it.
Acknowledge yourself for being willing to even begin this exercise. You are doing enough. You are doing the best you can!
If you want to take this exercise to the next level, you can state what you are forgving the person for: “I forgive you for ____________.” Take in a deep breath. Say “I forgive you and set you free.”
Another exercise that is very effective is writing a letter to the person you are angry at.
This letter is not going to be mailed or sent to them, it is a place for you to write your heart out. Pour your emotions into it.
- Tell him or her why you are angry, how the situation you were involved made you FEEL.
- Try to avoid the ‘You did this or You did that” angle, but write about how you felt when this or that happened.
- Acknowledge that you understand they were doing the best they could with what they have learned to that point in life.
- By the end of the letter, write that you forgive them.
- You may wish to include that you forgive yourself for holding on to this for so long.
- Finish by confirming: “I am loved. I am needed. I am valued.”
- Finally, burn this letter, dissolve it from your life.Here is an example of an outline you could use for your letter:
Now take the letter and burn it. By holding on to it, you are still holding on to the emotional ties attached to it. Burning it is a very important step. You physically see with your own eyes the letter dissolving before you. This is part of the moving forward process. It takes courage, which you have.
Remember one of my favourite sayings: “If you want change…. you have to change.”
I trust wholeheartedly that you will move forward in your life and get to a place where everything, everyone and even yourself is beautiful. I believe in you!
